God keeps the love grow

It's my Life, relationship No Comments »
I was 18 years old when I went through a terrible heartache. My first love and my first boyfriend got his ex-girlfriend pregnant. It was a pain which other may call, “tagos to the bones”. I remember having dinner with my family, when I would suddenly cry because of the pain. As part of healing, I prayed the holy rosary as often as I can. I hear mass every Friday and light a candle at the grotto for emotinal healing. I prayed and prayed harder.
When I was studying for an upcoming exams, I decided to open my Bible and see what the Lord is going to tell me. I just opened the Bible randomly and to my surprised, it opened in 1 Corinthians. I believe that God has really spoken to me then. The exact verse where my fingers landed on was; 1 Corinthian 13:4-13. Here’s what is says:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I hold this verse into my heart. I cried and cried after reading the passage. I knew that God is there with me especially during those painful days. I continued to pray and hear mass and light a canlde for my personal healing. But, I asked God through Mama Mary, that if ever ney and I would be together again, then send me a red rose.

On the same year, I was invited to participate in PREX, or Parish Renewal Experience. My relationship with the Lord is deepened through this seminar. I know that God loves me and all, but I learned to put everything under His charge. It was really an experience. :) On the last day of the seminar, we received letters and flowers from family and friends. I share the table with my godsister, Katrina and I saw our common friend Pete holding two roses. I knew already that one will be given to me. I just don’t which will be given to me. As he approached our table, my heart was already beating so fast that I could hardly breath. Then, he gave me the red rose. It was a happy moment. Though I didn’t realize yet the greater pain that I need to go through.
My friend Pinky, told me once, that when it is right, things and situations are simple, but when it is wrong, then things are complicated. True enough. Ney and I were in each others arms again after five years. But things, were not as simple as they were. We have gone through so much to fight for this relationship. I have fought for him and for love. But maybe, those are not enough, if God is not with you in the fight.
We have different beliefs when it comes to faith. Often times we argue about faith. He criticize my faith as Catholic. He criticize the priests, the practices and all that goes with my faith. And, I am hurt. Sometimes, just to prevent the argument which will lead into a fight, I just keep quiet yet in my silence, I pray to God that He will send the Holy Spirit and enlighten his mind. I pray to Mama Mary and I pray to Jesus. I pray everyday for his conversion. And up until today, I continue praying for him. Especially for his safety.

It has been 12 years since, I read that passage from the Bible. It says that the three remains, faith, hope and love. And the strongest of them all is Love. But, love without God is useless. Love without God will never flourish, it will never grow.

Inspite of all that we have gone through, I still got a priceless gift. I have my daughter whom I know will be a better and wiser woman than her mother. Right now, I only pray to God for Tata’s happiness and good welfare. I cannot just throw all the good times we had and besides, he will always be the father of my daughter.

God bless us both!

Ciao! :)

True Love is Selfless Love

relationship, Something Good No Comments »

In our lifetime we may give and receive different kinds of love. There’s friendship love, platonic love, paternal love, maternal love, sisterly love, brotherly love, unrequited love and many other forms of love. One may also say that once in our lifetime we have found a love called, true love.

How do we define true love? How can one say that the love he is feeling is true love? How can you be sure that the love you found is true love?

Sometimes we’ll say that when you found true love it would mean a lot of sacrifices. Yet, amidst all the sacrifices we did, if we didn’t get the kind of love we expect to receive, then we get hurt. Well, it is normal for us people that if we fall in love, we tend to expect love in return.

When we speak of true love, we speak of a selfless love. I remember a song written for the the celebration of the Year of the Son, Jesus Christ, about few years ago. The song was entitled, Only Selfless Love.

It is true that the love Jesus has given and giving the world is a selfless love. His love couldn’t be compared to any forms of love we have felt or we are feeling.

Yet, I believe that we can still find true love in spite of us being human. When we fall inlove with someone and we learned to accept the love he can give or wouldn’t give, and add up ample amount of prayers, then you will just find yourself hoping and praying for his or her success and being happy when he is. I mean truly happy. :) The said person may not know all your good wishes for him or for her; he or she may not even recognize you, yet inspite of these all, you continue to value that person in your heart. And, by simply loving the said person, makes you happy. :)

Wether that person loves you back or not, it wouldn’t matter anymore. You may continue to love and be truly happy when he is, yet there wouldn’t be any pain of rejection or not being loved. :)

If that happens, then you can say to yourself that you really have found true love. :)

Ciao! :)  

It might just be a Paternal Love

It's my Life, relationship No Comments »

Well, that’s what I keep telling myself for a day now. I keep on telling my heart and mind that it wasn’t a romantic love that I felt. There wasn’t and there isn’t any at all. Maybe it was just plain paternal love and friendship love that I found. I don’t know.. :( But maybe it is.. And I guess that it should be the kind of thinking I should have. It should be the kind of feeling I should feel. :(

It has been quite a while since I see him and been with him. When we met again, the feeling I had for him seems to rekindle again. When he held my hand, I felt the electricity I once felt. My heart started beating fast.

Well, maybe he’s really like that. Maybe he really treats his subordinates like that. I always tell myself that I am nothing special and that he treats me the same way and the same level he treats others. Maybe he treats me as a daughter.

One time he told me that I shouldn’t be jealous for he does love me. He loves me very much. Well, I believe him though. But I guess it isn’t the kind of love I am hoping. :(

When he held me in his arms, I really felt the love and a deep concern he has for me. It is a genuine love. It is a true concern. He’s really a family man. He really cares for a family. And, I really admire and look up to him. He may be the kind of father I must have looking for. A father whose concern is real.

Sometimes, I asked myself why I always tend to fall to a wrong person. A wrong person not because he is a bad one, but because he is already committed to someone else. :( It’s a good thing that my angels and my prayers are still strong enough; strong enough to prevent me from doing things that I would definitely regret.

I am only hoping for the best right now. Besides, I have a daughter and a first love whom I should be entrusting my love as long as I live.

God bless my heart..

Ciao! :)

Unrequited Love

It's my Life, relationship No Comments »

People used to tell that falling in love is one of the greatest feelings one could ever feel. Yet, it is also one of the reasons that gives us to much emotional pain. And, if we wouldn’t be able to handle ourselves when we go through this pain, we might end up losing our sanity or worst, our life.

I had experienced a terrible heartache when I was 18. It was when ney and I had to separate for some personal issues. It was really painful. There is a saying in Filipino that describes a terrible pain as “tagos sa buto.” To be honest, it was the worst heartache I had in my life. :(

Many of us may have gone through the same pain or even worst than I have as far a love is concerned. But, blessed are those who are not afraid to love and love again in spite of all the pain it may inflict us.

There is another kind of love that I learned when I was in high school. I believe that once in your life, you had experienced a love called unrequited or one way street love. Why do we get hurt when we fall in love? Isn’t it that when we love someone, we shouldn’t be expecting anything in return? That we should give love for free? It is easier said than done. Very true.

When we fall in love, we tend to expect love from the other in return. And if that person, failed the return the kind of love we give, we got hurt. We are hurt so much that we tend to do revenge against the said person or to the one he love. Well, if you do that then you didn’t really love that person after all.

A one way street love happens all the times. It happens to almost each one of us. I admit that I was a victim of an unrequited love, too.

What we need to realize is that when we fall in love, we shouldn’t be expecting the person to love us back. When we love someone, but didn’t get the same kind of love back, we shouldn’t be upset. Instead, we should be happy that we fell in love. :)

I believe that God has created someone special for each of us. We just have to be patient and faithful while we wait for that someone, who’s hands will be clasped in our own for life. :)

As you wait, enjoy one of those romeo y julieta cigars. Who knows, your Juliet or your Romeo is just a step away. :)

Enjoy love! It’s God gift to us to be shared.

Ciao! :)

So far, So good

relationship 1 Comment »

We had a terrible fight on new year’s eve. That fight might have been the end of a 6-year relationship. I would still feel bad if ney and I would separate for good. I still love and care for him. Besides, he’s still the father of my daughter.

I am glad that somehow, we were able to patch things up. I do not want to give him any heartaches or headaches as much as I can, especially now that he is away on a foreign land. I wanted him to enjoy his work and enjoy the fruits of his hard works. I bet he’s enjoying Cityville while smoking Cohiba! :)

Only God knows what would happen next. I am just hoping and praying for the best. God bless us!

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Ciao! :)

An Inspiration or a Reminder?

Reflections of Heart and Soul 1 Comment »

I noticed the picture of his wife and his children on posted on his station. I’ve known him for a year now, and he never had those pictures before, until recently. Sometimes, I thought of teasing him about those pictures but I didn’t. I guess it is normal for a married man or anybody to place a picture of his or her love ones on their desks. Looking at our love ones pictures inspire us to work and work harder. Thinking about them and the future ahead of them makes any fatigue we feel fades away.

On the other hand, it could also be used as a reminder that we are attached and we should keep our commitment. How can someone cheat if his wife is looking at him?!? Maybe I am just trying to encourage myself that he doesn’t feel anything special towards me. There are various occasions that I caught him staring at me and then he would tend to look at different direction. I may be foolish to believe that he cares for me more than a friend! But, to be honest, I feel that suppressed love. ? I know that I am not making believe or day dreaming. I can feel it. And that hurts me so bad. :( It’s just that he is so righteous and responsible enough to do what is right. I admire him more for being one.

I know that it would be best to pretend that I do not feel that “love” and that we’re good friends. It would be the best and right thing to do. Besides, he doesn’t tell me anything, and I know that he will never do. :(

*** *** *** *** *** ***

It’s a sad story yet, I believe that everybody can relate. When you love someone, you tend to sacrifice. And please try to connect your mind and your heart. When we’re in love, we always forget that our brains are placed on our head to conquer our heart. Doing what is right all the time will make your life easier and happy. Believe me. It is a fact! :)

Ciao! :)

That’s why we have Commitment

Reflections of Heart and Soul, relationship 2 Comments »

While downloading the needed files for my self-assessment, I posted a status update on my facebook. I never thought I would have a facebook account. ? I needed to create one for I am looking for a long lost friend whom I cannot find through Friendster. ?

These past few days, I kinda observe different people and the situation they are in. I ponder on the idea of Commitment. Somehow, I consider being “technically single” a good thing. At least, I still have an option to get out of a “mess”.

Everyday, whether at work or somewhere, people find themselves attracted to someone and would dwell on the idea, “Bakit ngayon ka lang dumating sa buhay ko? Kung kailan hindi ka na pwede. Kung kailan hindi na’ko pwede?”. I know that many people, if not going through, have gone through this situation. ?

That could be reason why we have the word Commitment. I remember my priest friend asked me once, what do I think is the most difficult vow of a priest to follow; vow of poverty, vow of chastity or vow of obedience. I stopped and thought of those vows for a while. Then I told him, I believe it would be the vow of obedience. Because if you will be able to keep that vow, then everything follows.

The same goes for married couple. When they pledge their love (either in the church or through civil marriage), I believe that the most difficult to keep is the vow of Commitment.

Mr. Webster defines “Commitment” as something one is bound to do or forebear. Just like an obligation for someone to fulfill. Maybe that’s the reason why the song “Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang” was written. :)

There is the word commitment to protect family and the children in that family. There could be a number of exceptions to this word. But generally speaking, we have the word commitment so that we would be obliged to be faithful and honest to our partners and to children; to our work; to our company; and most of all to ourselves.

I know how hard it would be to keep the vow of commitment. I believe that if you feel something that would lead you into the “wrong way”, try to ignore the thought. It would make your heart bleeds, though, but that would save you from bigger problems. And, never forget to pray. God will always be there to keep us strong. I know that we are only human. We are weak and bound to temptation, but we have God to protect us.

I assure you prayers never fail in any condition or situation you may be.

Ciao! )

A Happy Birthday

Quezon Province, relationship 1 Comment »

I know I owe you many stories since I have not been updating my journal lately. Please forgive me I am still adjusting myself into the “night shift” schedule for work. Well, it has been 3 weeks already since I have been in the gy shift but I am still not used to it. :( I do not even have a “life” when I am in gy because I am sleeping the whole day when I have a work. Anyway, I know that I will get used to it soon. :)

I told you last week that I would be going to Quezon to spend sometime with ney and to celebrate his birthday. Though, I was very sleepy before I set off, I made sure that everything I need to attend to while I am away would be taken cared off. :)

I told my daughter that I would be visiting her father but she cannot go with me. I told her that I would buy her something when I get home. Well, she was disappointed because she would really love to go. She loves her father so much and she misses him. I told her that I would bring her along next time.

I left the house at around 2PM last Saturday. It was a good thing, that there is a bus stop for provincial buses already in EDSA across Robinson’s Galleria. Before those provincial buses need to take the fly over in there, so commuters going to the province, need to go directly to the bus terminals.

It took about 30minutes before I was able to go onboard the JAM Liner going to Lucena. It would take about 4 hours to get there. After I paid my fare, I sent ney a text message that I am on the bus already and I am on my way. Since I came from a gy shift and did not have any sleep yet, I slept during the ride. I got awaken occasionally when the bus needs to stop to load and unload passengers.

When the bus entered the premises of Lucena City, I sent ney a text message again and told him that I am in Lucena already. We decided to meet each other at SM Lucena. I was there at 7:30PM. Of course, ney was wearing a red shirt! :) It’s his birthday remember?! :)

I greeted ney and handed him my birthday present. It was a book, well, some sort of English to Portuguese dictionary and phrases. Remember I told you before that he would be leaving soon for work abroad. The language that Angolans in West Africa uses is Portuguese. I believe that, people in Madagascar speak the same language.

Well, ney and I really had a good time. My adventure in Lucena continues in my next posts! :)

Ciao! :)

What Matters Most

Something Good No Comments »

I am not if I have posted this article in this blog already. Nevertheless, here it goes.. :)

*** 

WHAT MATTERS MOST

All relationships are put to the fire. There is no such thing as a constantly happy couple. There is no
such thing as a constantly happy relationship. All of us, at one point in our affairs will have to go
through a cleansing process which, hopefully, will make us better persons.

Let us always remember that our relationships are put to the test to make stronger and better persons out of us. Second to love, the next most important ingredient of a successful relationship is communication. Many would agree that there are certain things in a relationship that are better kept unsaid. But I don’t believe in that. The moment we lie about our feelings or the wrong that we have done, we begin to build a wall of bricks around ourselves. Everytime we hide something out of fear, we add a brick to that wall. Soon we will be total strangers to the very people we vowed to be with the rest of our lives. We will start to hurt inside until we can no longer bear the pain. Until we regretfully give up the very relationships that we wanted to keep.

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. If we cannot bravely express our innermost fears,
doubts, and insecurities to the people we love then our ties are doomed to fail sooner or later. I would
rather be hurt by a person who is honest than be hurt in by someone who betrayed my trust. Many couples suffer in silence because they are afraid that opening up would just make things worst. They keep their feelings to themselves until their affection towards each other diminishes to the point where separation becomes inevitable. Remember, there is no burden so heavy that it cannot be lightened by an open, honest and peaceful exchange of thoughts and feelings. Fights are inevitable.
Oftentimes, we hurt those we love because we insist on protecting our own feelings. Selfishness is a
poison that recklessly kills relationships. It is only when we set aside our pride, arrogance and anger
that we are able to deal with raging emotions sensibly and peacefully. There would be a lot of times when we would be tempted to think only of the things that would make us happy. Most of the time, the happiness we get from satisfying our own want is happiness that we deprive others of. Our joy is their pain and our rise is their fall.

Some relationships survived one of the most difficult trials. They owe it to God who has watched over them all throughout the most trying times of their lives. They understood because they listened to what each of them were trying to say. They realized what was going on because they talked about their feelings. They hurt each other badly because they both became selfish. But the pain felt was washed away by the fact that love, among all the feelings that they shared, still remained the strongest pillar with which they have built their relationship upon. Indeed, beautiful things will always be built of the foundations of pain. We are strengthened by adversity and seasoned by trials in our relationships. It is not how much pain we feel that matters. What matters is that we are able find a space in our hearts to forgive those who have hurt us. It is not how hard we have stumbled that matters. What matters is that we muster enough courage to stand on our feet and try again. It
doesn’t matter if we have found love and lost it. What matters more is the joy that feeling brought us. What matters most is that we loved at all. :)

***

Ciao! :)

Reason to Love

relationship, Something Good 1 Comment »

Before L2S MIS team delete my email login to their server, I was able to get some to the important emails I have saved for the last six years. As I scan through the emails I found this very inspiring email which I received from my colleagues then about 3 years ago.

***

Reason to Love 

My husband is an Engineer by profession; I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

“Why?” he asked, shocked.

“I am tired; there are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:” What can I do to change your mind?”

Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered:

“Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face
of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?”

He said: ” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes…. My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further…”

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. “When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save m! y eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month; I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die… “

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk… I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone… That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model; it could be the dullest and boring form…. flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life…

Love, not words win arguments..

***

Hope we all learn from this email because I did. :)
Ciao! :)

The ability to love and love again

relationship No Comments »

Beautiful things will always be built on the foundations of pain. We are strengthened by adversity and seasoned by trials in our relationships. It is not how much pain we feel that matters. What matters is that we are able to find a space in our hearts to forgive those who have hurt us. It is not how hard we have stumbled that matters. What matters is and lost it. What matters most is the joy that feeling brought us. What matters most is that we loved at all.

Love alone is capable of uniting beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in them. that we muster enough courage to stand on our feet and try again. It doesn’t matter if we have found love. :)

Ciao! :)

Dating Day

It's my Life, Little Antoinette No Comments »

The “office choir” that was founded to sing in the mass for Ash Wednesday sang pretty well in my point of view. :) Well, we had our practice a day before the mass. Though the songs are familiar to us, we still have to practice to sound as one only. Thanks to the guitar talent shared by sir Beejay as well. Thank God, we’re able to make it in spite of the “rush.”

It was our payday also last Wednesday. It has been my habit to take my daughter out on a date during my payday. Though I am tired and sleepy, we still went out and had some bonding moments. I thought of buying her a Big Bird stuff toy, but plans changed when we arrived at the mall.

She loves playing at Tom’s World. Her favorite? Basketball! :) I just let her play what she wanted and let her enjoy that day. When we ran out of tokens, we decided to stroll around the mall. I thought she already forget about the “toy” I suppose to buy for her but then she asked me to go to the department store so we can buy a toy. We went there and found Big Bird stuff toy. Well, I was tempted to buy it already but practicality went into me again. Then I asked her if we could buy it some other time. She did not asked any more questions but instead agreed to it.

We continued walking around the mall. When she got hungry, she just asked for a doughnut. I asked her if she wants to have dinner in one of the fast food restaurant around, she said that she just wanted to eat her favorite Choco honey dipped flavor doughnut.

We then went home after 2 hours of malling. I know that she enjoyed it. She is actually looking forward to our “dating day” again. :)

Ciao! :)

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