Should I …?

It's my Life, relationship 1 Comment »

Sometimes, I really wanted to give him up. To be free from this relationship which I don’t know anymore, which way it is going. Our misunderstand has been very frequent. And, sometimes I feel humiliated already. Although, I do not let myself completely lose my self esteem. But then I don’t know how long I could bear to stay in this relationship. Many times I asked myself if I still love him, or am I still happy.

Actually, I don’t even know what to answer.. :(

Could it be pride that let me stay in this? Pride, because I wanted to prove to everybody, especially to his parents that our love and our relationship would stand the test of time. Pride because I want to prove to people who judged me then, that they’re all wrong about what they thought of me.

It’s hurting me inside. How can one stay in a relationship that doesn’t seem to have any future? I don’t know.. I am really hurt right now. I just can’t take it. He has the guts to tell me that I have been neglecting him. Hello!!! He’s not even texting me as often as I text him! Then he has the nerve to tell me that I have changed… blah..blah..blah..

My bestfriend has always an answer to this. Let go…

Q on Love!

Something Good 2 Comments »

Happy Birthday Mama!

It's my Life, motherhood 1 Comment »

I just like to take a break from my usual stories to greet a wonderful, patient, thoughtful, loving and caring mother in the whole universe! :)

zwani.com myspace graphic comments
Mama..

 

I love you and thank you for everything..

A Rosary from the Sea

It's my Life No Comments »

My Social Security ID is missing so I have to clean up and fix my closet. Doing so, I found the rosary that was given to me by ney when he visited Boracay about 3 years ago. The rosary is like a finger rosary that has a cross and 10 beads. Antoinette saw it and asked who gave that to me. I told her that daddy gave the rosary to me as present. She asked why, I answered her, because daddy loves mommy.

About 10 years ago, when Ney and I became boyfriend and girlfriend, I gave him a rosary. Then the things that caused me a deep pain happened. I remember I went to my godmother Lina and I was crying hard as I told her what had happened. I also told her that I have given ney a rosary, she said that I shouldn’t give a rosary to someone for that means he/she will undergo a certain hardships and undertakings.

And so ney, gave me a rosary 3 years ago. As I looked back, I sure did undergo so many challenges that really tested my faith. I must say that a rosary is not really a sign of hardship or what we call “cross” in our lives. It’s a symbol of hope. That amidst all of life’s challenges and ordeals, God will always be there for us. And He will never leave us no matter what. Problems come to us to strengthen us and intensify our faith.

Growing Old With You

It's my Life, relationship 2 Comments »

It’s my off once again, and I get up not so early than my usual. I fixed the bed and started organizing my closet. Then I stumbled on a photo album which I have not seen for quite a long time. I sat on the bed and browsed through its pages. It was I and ney’s photo album. I made that album about 3 years ago. It has our pictures from our trips when Nonet is still not around. I felt good as I look at the album and thinking ‘bout the old times we spent together.

Having Nonet around made a big difference in our lives. But as what most people say, even if ney and I will have more children in the future, in the end it will still be two of us together. Our children will have their own partners and families. Eventually they will have their own children to take care of.

I told myself, that even if our children will send ney and I in some homecare in Surprise Arizona, that would be fine. As long as we’re together and we will grow old with each other, I will be very happy. :)

True Love

relationship, Short Stories 6 Comments »

Moses Mendelssohn, the grandfather of the well-known German composer, was far from being handsome. Along with a rather short stature, he had a grotesque hunchback. One day he visited a merchant in Hamburg who had a lovely daughter named Frumtje. Moses fell hopelessly in love with her. But Frumtje was repulsed by his misshapen appearance. When it came time for him to leave, Moses gathered his courage and climbed the stairs to her room to take one last opportunity to speak with her. She was a vision of heavenly beauty, but caused him deep sadness by her refusal to look at him. After several attempts at conversation, Moses shyly asked, “Do you believe marriages are made in heaven?”, “Yes,” she answered, still looking at the floor. “And do you?” “Yes I do,” he replied. “You see, in heaven at the birth of each boy, the Lord announces which girl he will marry. When I was born, my future bride was pointed out to me. Then the Lord added, ‘But your wife will be humpbacked.’ “Right then and there I called out, ‘Oh Lord, a humpbacked woman would be a tragedy. Please, Lord, give me the hump and let her bebeautiful.’ “Then Frumtje looked up into his eyes and was stirred by some deep memory. She reached out and gave Mendelssohn her hand and later became his devoted wife.

Barry and Joyce Vissell

Chicken Soup for the Soup

Places..

It's my Life, lifestyle 1 Comment »

I went to Megamall yesterday to meet my friend Pinky and as I walked towards our meeting place, I passed by Concorde which is on the 3rd level of SM Megamall building B. Everytime I pass that store, I feel certain happiness inside me. Concorde is an auto parts and accessories store. I don’t own any car and I don’t usually go in it. Why is Concorde so special, then?

About 5 years ago, when Ney and I got the chance to be with each other again, Concorde was our meeting place. Many things had happen since then. Ney and I have fought and still fighting for our love. A lot of people questioned us. Many people judged me and looked at me differently. I have cried a river and I have had so many bruises in my heart because of our relationship. Amidst all the storms that had passed, we’re still together.. For the coming struggles that our relationship will go through, I pray that in spite of our situation, God will still bless our relationship. That Tata and I will continue to be there for each other. That whatever challenges we come across we’ll never surrender and will continue to fight for each other and for our love.

Love Thoughts

Reflections of Heart and Soul No Comments »

You can’t really say that you’re in love with someone unless you know the person that much. Often times, we thought we’re in love but we’re not. We often find our selves attracted to someone because of his physical appearance. It could also be his attitude that we thought he is. But unless we get to know who that person really is then we can fall in love.

Well, I believe that a love that has bloomed from friendship is a love to last a lifetime. And you should never forget to pray for that someone. I know God has given us freewill. Many of you will also say that we really can’t choose who to fall in love with. Yet, if we will learn to surrender to God the desires of our heart then He will give us the best. Remember Psalm 37:4?

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Is it Love or just Infatuation?

It's my Life No Comments »

I don’t know, I am not even sure how to differentiate love and infatuation. It’s been years since I felt a feeling like this.

My friends told me that I am just infatuated with him. Sooner or later, I will get over this feeling. I am no teenager, in fact I’d had 3 relationships before, And I’m in a 4-year relationship with ney, whom I love (as much as I know).

Then I just woke one day, and found myself falling for or being infatuated with someone else. Maybe because of the frequent misunderstanding that ney and I are having, and we seldom see each other, which made me enjoy his company. Although there are times that he tends to be a snob and so serious about life, I still find him lovable in spite of all the complexities in his life.

I just love looking at him. He makes me feel good everyday. There are moments that I just want to hug him and make him feel how I care for him. But then it is something that I can’t do and I should not do.

I am staring at my little girl at I write this article. Then a thought came to my mind, what if I am not into any relationship? What if I don’t have Antoinette in my life yet? Should my life could have been much easier? And the feeling I have right, now could have been easier to handle. If this is just infatuation then why do I get hurt? Is it because of the suppressed feelings I have inside? Or because, I’m frustrated that whatever I do, he can never be mine.

I and my friend J ate at Fazoli’s last Friday. I was crying as I told her the agony I have. She said that, if only my baby isn’t around yet, then she’ll even push me to go with what I feel.

But things are different from what I wanted to be. And she made me realize that the reason why I am hurting is because I am frustrated. I don’t want to have any reason to regret what I have right now. My baby is a wonderful gift and a blessing from God. I hope that ney and I will be able to patch things up and keep the relationship that we have fought for.

If I will be asked about the feelings I have for him, I would say that I have actually fallen in love with him, a love that I need to keep to myself and should never reveal to him. I thank God for letting me feel this kind of feelings again.

Do I expect love in return? I will not be hypocrite to say I am not. Of course I do. But then, I know that I should learnt o accept the fact that the love I’m longing from him will never come. That I should be happy for this love grows in me.

Going back to reality, I have a baby to care for and relationship to keep.

If one day, I will find myself in his arms, then it is God’s grace and blessings that took me there. :)

Reality Bites

It's my Life No Comments »

These past few days, I am going through emotional and financial crisis. I always pray that God will keep me from harm to make me strong and to make me a wiser person.

About a week ago, Ney and I had a big fight. It was my fault, though. Because in spite of all the things he’s doing for me (except for one which I will never reveal), I didn’t seem to give him or to make him feel how important he is to me. He got so totally mad and asked for some space and time to think where our relationship will go to. It was painful. I never realized his worth until that day.

Just the other day, I was struggling with financial difficulties. I don’t know what to do then. I prayed to God through a song and He made me feel alright. I know that everything’s going to be alright and it did. Well, we just don’t know how God works. He works in mysterious ways and He really does make a way. :)

This afternoon, when I got home from work, my mind and my heart are going into two different directions. My mind says, forget about him and just fix whatever it is that I need to fix to keep my relationship with Ney. I know that if I continue to entertain what I feel for him, it will be at my lost. I know for a fact that whatever feelings I have right now for him will go to nothing. He’s not committed to somebody else, as far as I know. But his life right now is full of complexities. I told my friend that if only I could hug him and make him feel that I care for him. If only I’m free to do that, then I will. It’s really killing me inside. He’s so near yet so far.

So, I asked God and He said, what if he’ll give me an opportunity to choose the one I’d like to be with. Who would that be? I told him that He knows me inside out. There is no secret that I can keep from Him. Not even the deepest agony of my heart. He knows, what my answer would be..

St. Therese of Lisieux, The Little Flower

All About Faith 22 Comments »

I checked my email this morning and I received, a “chain letter” kind of email about St. Therese. It showed the picture of the young saint, the prayer that you need to utter to obtain the wish you have and ofcourse need to pass it on to 17 more people.

St. Therese of Lisieux  is close to my heart. I have been praying her prayers for petition since I was younger. And believe it or not, I have received God’s grace with St. Therese prayers. I know, that many are not believer of saints. We do not praise saints. We respect and pay tribute to them. They are our role models, in showing great love for God. Their lives are our inspiration to face the battle and challenges of life.

St. Therese of Lisieux is also the little flower. Why? Because, even the littlest thing task, she did it with great love and offered it to God. I’m trying to research for a prayer that I used to cite then, every 11AM. It has a line that goes like, ” St. Therese of the Child Jesus, please pick me a rose from the holy garden and send it to me with love. Please obtain before God this (petition). Tell God that I will love him each day, more and more.” Simple things yet done with great love, this is what this young saint taught us.

“As a Carmelite nun she would never be able to perform great deeds. ” Love proves itself by deeds, so how am I to show my love? Great deeds are forbidden me. The only way I can prove my love is by scattering flowers and these flowers are every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and the doing of the least actions for love.” She took every chance to sacrifice, no matter how small it would seem. She smiled at the sisters she didn’t like. She ate everything she was given without complaining — so that she was often given the worst leftovers. One time she was accused of breaking a vase when she was not at fault. Instead of arguing she sank to her knees and begged forgiveness. These little sacrifices cost her more than bigger ones, for these went unrecognized by others. No one told her how wonderful she was for these little secret humiliations and good deeds.” (To know more about St. Therese, click here. For St. Therese’s prayers, go here).

“Therese’s “little way” of trusting in Jesus to make her holy and relying on small daily sacrifices instead of great deeds appealed to the thousands of Catholics and others who were trying to find holiness in ordinary lives.”

When St. Therese’s relics visited the Philippines, about 7 years ago, I, my godmother and godsister went to Antipolo cathedral to visit it. Some people may question that, but the feeling I felt during that time was unexplainable.

It is true that little things, little sacrifices, a little love can go a long long way. .

St. Therese of Lisieux

Here is the email I have received this morning:

Look at the picture; make a wish, then read the prayer.

In case you are not aware, Saint Theresa is known as the Saint of the Little Ways, meaning she believed in doing the little things in life well and with great love. She is represented by roses. May everyone who receives this message be blessed.

Theresa’s Prayer cannot be deleted. REMEMBER to make a wish before you read the prayer. That’s all you have to do. There is nothing attached. Just share this with people and see what happens on the fourth day. Sorry you have to forward the message, but try not to break this, please. (Well, I didn’t forward the message to only 17 persons. I posted it here on my blog so the whole world would know).

Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. Read the prayer below.

Saint Theresa’s Prayer

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities s that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

I Corinthians 13:4-13

Holy Scriptures 1 Comment »

4. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

9. For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

10. but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

11. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

12. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

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