God keeps the love grow

It's my Life, relationship No Comments »
I was 18 years old when I went through a terrible heartache. My first love and my first boyfriend got his ex-girlfriend pregnant. It was a pain which other may call, “tagos to the bones”. I remember having dinner with my family, when I would suddenly cry because of the pain. As part of healing, I prayed the holy rosary as often as I can. I hear mass every Friday and light a candle at the grotto for emotinal healing. I prayed and prayed harder.
When I was studying for an upcoming exams, I decided to open my Bible and see what the Lord is going to tell me. I just opened the Bible randomly and to my surprised, it opened in 1 Corinthians. I believe that God has really spoken to me then. The exact verse where my fingers landed on was; 1 Corinthian 13:4-13. Here’s what is says:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I hold this verse into my heart. I cried and cried after reading the passage. I knew that God is there with me especially during those painful days. I continued to pray and hear mass and light a canlde for my personal healing. But, I asked God through Mama Mary, that if ever ney and I would be together again, then send me a red rose.

On the same year, I was invited to participate in PREX, or Parish Renewal Experience. My relationship with the Lord is deepened through this seminar. I know that God loves me and all, but I learned to put everything under His charge. It was really an experience. :) On the last day of the seminar, we received letters and flowers from family and friends. I share the table with my godsister, Katrina and I saw our common friend Pete holding two roses. I knew already that one will be given to me. I just don’t which will be given to me. As he approached our table, my heart was already beating so fast that I could hardly breath. Then, he gave me the red rose. It was a happy moment. Though I didn’t realize yet the greater pain that I need to go through.
My friend Pinky, told me once, that when it is right, things and situations are simple, but when it is wrong, then things are complicated. True enough. Ney and I were in each others arms again after five years. But things, were not as simple as they were. We have gone through so much to fight for this relationship. I have fought for him and for love. But maybe, those are not enough, if God is not with you in the fight.
We have different beliefs when it comes to faith. Often times we argue about faith. He criticize my faith as Catholic. He criticize the priests, the practices and all that goes with my faith. And, I am hurt. Sometimes, just to prevent the argument which will lead into a fight, I just keep quiet yet in my silence, I pray to God that He will send the Holy Spirit and enlighten his mind. I pray to Mama Mary and I pray to Jesus. I pray everyday for his conversion. And up until today, I continue praying for him. Especially for his safety.

It has been 12 years since, I read that passage from the Bible. It says that the three remains, faith, hope and love. And the strongest of them all is Love. But, love without God is useless. Love without God will never flourish, it will never grow.

Inspite of all that we have gone through, I still got a priceless gift. I have my daughter whom I know will be a better and wiser woman than her mother. Right now, I only pray to God for Tata’s happiness and good welfare. I cannot just throw all the good times we had and besides, he will always be the father of my daughter.

God bless us both!

Ciao! :)

True Love is Selfless Love

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In our lifetime we may give and receive different kinds of love. There’s friendship love, platonic love, paternal love, maternal love, sisterly love, brotherly love, unrequited love and many other forms of love. One may also say that once in our lifetime we have found a love called, true love.

How do we define true love? How can one say that the love he is feeling is true love? How can you be sure that the love you found is true love?

Sometimes we’ll say that when you found true love it would mean a lot of sacrifices. Yet, amidst all the sacrifices we did, if we didn’t get the kind of love we expect to receive, then we get hurt. Well, it is normal for us people that if we fall in love, we tend to expect love in return.

When we speak of true love, we speak of a selfless love. I remember a song written for the the celebration of the Year of the Son, Jesus Christ, about few years ago. The song was entitled, Only Selfless Love.

It is true that the love Jesus has given and giving the world is a selfless love. His love couldn’t be compared to any forms of love we have felt or we are feeling.

Yet, I believe that we can still find true love in spite of us being human. When we fall inlove with someone and we learned to accept the love he can give or wouldn’t give, and add up ample amount of prayers, then you will just find yourself hoping and praying for his or her success and being happy when he is. I mean truly happy. :) The said person may not know all your good wishes for him or for her; he or she may not even recognize you, yet inspite of these all, you continue to value that person in your heart. And, by simply loving the said person, makes you happy. :)

Wether that person loves you back or not, it wouldn’t matter anymore. You may continue to love and be truly happy when he is, yet there wouldn’t be any pain of rejection or not being loved. :)

If that happens, then you can say to yourself that you really have found true love. :)

Ciao! :)  

Love Makes No Promises

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I was listening to my sister Patty’s play list and one of the songs in the said play list is Love Makes No Promises. I have loved this song and been singing it since I don’t remember when. I first heard this song when I was in elementary if I am not mistaken. Well, it could be. The song was a ballad from a Canadian group, Candi in 1988. I didn’t know the title of the song then. I just heard it over the radio and it really made a “mark” on my mind. :)

I remember my mother using it as a “wake up” song for me. Hehehe! I used to sleep very very long then. I love to read ever since I was young and that made me sleep very late at night. That’s why; I woke up late in the morning, too. Hehehe! Whenever the said song is played on the radio, my mother would adjust the volume for me to hear it from my room. My mother was always successful in doing that. Since I love the song, I cannot bear to miss it. When I hear it, I would come running outside the bedroom. And I am awakened. :)

It was only when I gained access to the Internet and used its search engines to help me find the song. Since then, I started singing this and every time that I do, it really pricks my heart.

Love makes no promises.

I believe that many of us have fallen in love more than once already. Sometimes, when we are so much in love (or just as we thought), we tend to believe in all the promises love would bring. If we end up hurting and crying because of that love, we tend to curse love. And tell ourselves that we’ll never fall in love again.

Love makes no promises, there’s nothing I can do I am letting go of you..

Does really love makes no promises? In the bible, it says that;

Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.

We may sometimes find love to give no promises but we should never lose faith in love. No matter how many times we fall, get hurt, bruised and cry because of love, we should always keeps our hopes high, for in the end, these three remains… faith, hope and love. And the greatest of them is LOVE! :)

Ciao! :)

Unrequited Love

It's my Life, relationship No Comments »

People used to tell that falling in love is one of the greatest feelings one could ever feel. Yet, it is also one of the reasons that gives us to much emotional pain. And, if we wouldn’t be able to handle ourselves when we go through this pain, we might end up losing our sanity or worst, our life.

I had experienced a terrible heartache when I was 18. It was when ney and I had to separate for some personal issues. It was really painful. There is a saying in Filipino that describes a terrible pain as “tagos sa buto.” To be honest, it was the worst heartache I had in my life. :(

Many of us may have gone through the same pain or even worst than I have as far a love is concerned. But, blessed are those who are not afraid to love and love again in spite of all the pain it may inflict us.

There is another kind of love that I learned when I was in high school. I believe that once in your life, you had experienced a love called unrequited or one way street love. Why do we get hurt when we fall in love? Isn’t it that when we love someone, we shouldn’t be expecting anything in return? That we should give love for free? It is easier said than done. Very true.

When we fall in love, we tend to expect love from the other in return. And if that person, failed the return the kind of love we give, we got hurt. We are hurt so much that we tend to do revenge against the said person or to the one he love. Well, if you do that then you didn’t really love that person after all.

A one way street love happens all the times. It happens to almost each one of us. I admit that I was a victim of an unrequited love, too.

What we need to realize is that when we fall in love, we shouldn’t be expecting the person to love us back. When we love someone, but didn’t get the same kind of love back, we shouldn’t be upset. Instead, we should be happy that we fell in love. :)

I believe that God has created someone special for each of us. We just have to be patient and faithful while we wait for that someone, who’s hands will be clasped in our own for life. :)

As you wait, enjoy one of those romeo y julieta cigars. Who knows, your Juliet or your Romeo is just a step away. :)

Enjoy love! It’s God gift to us to be shared.

Ciao! :)

So far, So good

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We had a terrible fight on new year’s eve. That fight might have been the end of a 6-year relationship. I would still feel bad if ney and I would separate for good. I still love and care for him. Besides, he’s still the father of my daughter.

I am glad that somehow, we were able to patch things up. I do not want to give him any heartaches or headaches as much as I can, especially now that he is away on a foreign land. I wanted him to enjoy his work and enjoy the fruits of his hard works. I bet he’s enjoying Cityville while smoking Cohiba! :)

Only God knows what would happen next. I am just hoping and praying for the best. God bless us!

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Ciao! :)

An Inspiration or a Reminder?

Reflections of Heart and Soul 1 Comment »

I noticed the picture of his wife and his children on posted on his station. I’ve known him for a year now, and he never had those pictures before, until recently. Sometimes, I thought of teasing him about those pictures but I didn’t. I guess it is normal for a married man or anybody to place a picture of his or her love ones on their desks. Looking at our love ones pictures inspire us to work and work harder. Thinking about them and the future ahead of them makes any fatigue we feel fades away.

On the other hand, it could also be used as a reminder that we are attached and we should keep our commitment. How can someone cheat if his wife is looking at him?!? Maybe I am just trying to encourage myself that he doesn’t feel anything special towards me. There are various occasions that I caught him staring at me and then he would tend to look at different direction. I may be foolish to believe that he cares for me more than a friend! But, to be honest, I feel that suppressed love. ? I know that I am not making believe or day dreaming. I can feel it. And that hurts me so bad. :( It’s just that he is so righteous and responsible enough to do what is right. I admire him more for being one.

I know that it would be best to pretend that I do not feel that “love” and that we’re good friends. It would be the best and right thing to do. Besides, he doesn’t tell me anything, and I know that he will never do. :(

*** *** *** *** *** ***

It’s a sad story yet, I believe that everybody can relate. When you love someone, you tend to sacrifice. And please try to connect your mind and your heart. When we’re in love, we always forget that our brains are placed on our head to conquer our heart. Doing what is right all the time will make your life easier and happy. Believe me. It is a fact! :)

Ciao! :)

The Art of Acceptance

Something Good 1 Comment »

I sat on one of the pews in the church yesterday. I have not heard the mass on that schedule for a long time. I came in about 5 minutes earlier. The priest and the church servants are already lining up outside the church, getting ready for the processional. As the commentator finished introducing the priest to lead the mass, the choir started singing the entrance hymn.

He really plays the piano so well. As I listen to the soothing sound of the choir’s voices and the music that accompany their song, my memory began to go back in time. I have known him since I was 18. I have been part of their family not because of any romantic relationship we had but his brothers and sister and his parents treated me as part of them. I remember spending a new year with them. I have witnessed him cry and got broken hearted. I was his silent absorber. :(

I have cried because of him a long time ago. I had fallen in love many times after him but those are all long gone and forgotten. But, he remained in my heart. The last serious talk that we had was before he got married.

I told him that I’m going to get married too because he’s getting married already. He told me that I have a bright future ahead. He said that I should take care of my family and give my mother a good life. He told me not to get married yet. That talk happened about 5 years ago. :(

The Lord knows everything that is inside my heart. As I kneel down and pray, a reflection came into me. God showed me the three men I have love in my life. Two of them were just an unrequited love only; or what my Ninang Cher called as a “One Way Street” love. God showed me my pianist, my TM and my first love. As I looked each one of them, I told the Lord that in reality I would have picked my first love, because he knows and accepts me as I am. However, we have many differences especially when it comes to faith. Then, I whispered to God that if I would be given a chance, to choose whom I would want to be with for the rest of life, then it would be my pianist.

The Lord answered back; He told me that I have known him for more than a decade. My pianist had the chance on me many years ago. The Lord told me that if he has a feelings for me then, then he should have taken the chance to let me know about it. He is now married with two sons. The Lord made me realized that if he didn’t love me then, he would never will, especially now. :(

As I end my prayers, I felt the hurt, but also felt freedom. I learned to set myself free from that unrequited love; a liberation that I should have done a long time ago. I should have accepted that truth about five years ago.

In our lives, we have a lot of hopes and experiences that we should have let go a long time ago. Instead, we continue to hold on to those things that hinders us to move on. I know that it is not easy to let go of something that you are hoping to happen or to get. But, it could also be the reason why we’re not able to notice the better things given to us instead of it.

Learning to accept the things or people we can never have will make our lives easier and happier. The process may not be that easy though. Cry if you would but always remember and believe that God has prepared the best for us. That He would reveal His gift in His own sweet time.

Just have faith. God loves us!

Ciao! :)

A Love That Could Never Be

Reflections of Heart and Soul No Comments »

Love conquers all. It sounds a cliché yes. Another famous line about love conquering all is; “…now these three remains, faith, hope and love. And the greatest of them all is love.” These lines are so encouraging especially if you are in a situation where you know that love came in a wrong time and at the wrong place. :( I am a witness to a love like that. One who would want to be in that kind of love should be ready for a lot of heartaches and all forms of emotional pains.

Being in love is a great feeling a man can ever ask for. However, being in love does not always mean happiness. Most of the times, being in love means sacrifices and pain. :(

Blessed are those who found love at the right time and on the right persons. Love for them would mean more happiness. Love for them would be simple yet great.

On the other hand, when the love you found is on wrong person (which usually happens), love could be a catastrophe. One of my closest friends told me once, “When it is right it is simple. But when it is wrong, it is complicated.” Very true!

Everyday, we might meet people whom we can find love with. Yet, it does not happen all the time that we get the love we found. More often than not, the love we found is no longer available. Even if you and other person feel the same degree of love, you need to accept the fact that the love you found can never be. :(

There may be instances that the said love may rule and win. But believe me, be ready for a chaos! :(

When the said love comes to you, enjoy the feeling. Enjoy the “high school” love feeling. Be inspired to dress up and be beautiful. Be inspired of going to work or going to school. But be always cautious, be aware and keep in mind that the said love can never be yours. :(

The feeling you have, might be too strong to resist but you may need to let it go. It may cause you pain temporarily. You might cry a river after letting it go. Then it will be over. You will be glad to know and realize that you may not need to go through all the terrible pain that love might have caused you. :)

I believe that God has prepared a special someone for each of us. We just need to pray and be patient until God sent us His special gift. :)

Ciao! :)

What Matters Most

Something Good No Comments »

I am not if I have posted this article in this blog already. Nevertheless, here it goes.. :)

*** 

WHAT MATTERS MOST

All relationships are put to the fire. There is no such thing as a constantly happy couple. There is no
such thing as a constantly happy relationship. All of us, at one point in our affairs will have to go
through a cleansing process which, hopefully, will make us better persons.

Let us always remember that our relationships are put to the test to make stronger and better persons out of us. Second to love, the next most important ingredient of a successful relationship is communication. Many would agree that there are certain things in a relationship that are better kept unsaid. But I don’t believe in that. The moment we lie about our feelings or the wrong that we have done, we begin to build a wall of bricks around ourselves. Everytime we hide something out of fear, we add a brick to that wall. Soon we will be total strangers to the very people we vowed to be with the rest of our lives. We will start to hurt inside until we can no longer bear the pain. Until we regretfully give up the very relationships that we wanted to keep.

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. If we cannot bravely express our innermost fears,
doubts, and insecurities to the people we love then our ties are doomed to fail sooner or later. I would
rather be hurt by a person who is honest than be hurt in by someone who betrayed my trust. Many couples suffer in silence because they are afraid that opening up would just make things worst. They keep their feelings to themselves until their affection towards each other diminishes to the point where separation becomes inevitable. Remember, there is no burden so heavy that it cannot be lightened by an open, honest and peaceful exchange of thoughts and feelings. Fights are inevitable.
Oftentimes, we hurt those we love because we insist on protecting our own feelings. Selfishness is a
poison that recklessly kills relationships. It is only when we set aside our pride, arrogance and anger
that we are able to deal with raging emotions sensibly and peacefully. There would be a lot of times when we would be tempted to think only of the things that would make us happy. Most of the time, the happiness we get from satisfying our own want is happiness that we deprive others of. Our joy is their pain and our rise is their fall.

Some relationships survived one of the most difficult trials. They owe it to God who has watched over them all throughout the most trying times of their lives. They understood because they listened to what each of them were trying to say. They realized what was going on because they talked about their feelings. They hurt each other badly because they both became selfish. But the pain felt was washed away by the fact that love, among all the feelings that they shared, still remained the strongest pillar with which they have built their relationship upon. Indeed, beautiful things will always be built of the foundations of pain. We are strengthened by adversity and seasoned by trials in our relationships. It is not how much pain we feel that matters. What matters is that we are able find a space in our hearts to forgive those who have hurt us. It is not how hard we have stumbled that matters. What matters is that we muster enough courage to stand on our feet and try again. It
doesn’t matter if we have found love and lost it. What matters more is the joy that feeling brought us. What matters most is that we loved at all. :)

***

Ciao! :)

Reason to Love

relationship, Something Good 1 Comment »

Before L2S MIS team delete my email login to their server, I was able to get some to the important emails I have saved for the last six years. As I scan through the emails I found this very inspiring email which I received from my colleagues then about 3 years ago.

***

Reason to Love 

My husband is an Engineer by profession; I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

“Why?” he asked, shocked.

“I am tired; there are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:” What can I do to change your mind?”

Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered:

“Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face
of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?”

He said: ” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes…. My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further…”

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. “When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save m! y eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month; I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die… “

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk… I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone… That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model; it could be the dullest and boring form…. flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life…

Love, not words win arguments..

***

Hope we all learn from this email because I did. :)
Ciao! :)

The ability to love and love again

relationship No Comments »

Beautiful things will always be built on the foundations of pain. We are strengthened by adversity and seasoned by trials in our relationships. It is not how much pain we feel that matters. What matters is that we are able to find a space in our hearts to forgive those who have hurt us. It is not how hard we have stumbled that matters. What matters is and lost it. What matters most is the joy that feeling brought us. What matters most is that we loved at all.

Love alone is capable of uniting beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in them. that we muster enough courage to stand on our feet and try again. It doesn’t matter if we have found love. :)

Ciao! :)

What is your greatest dream?

It's my Life, lifestyle No Comments »

I just finished answering a Dneero survey. One of the questions I need to answer is “What is your greatest dream.” Every one of us has our own greatest dream. It took me a while to answer that question. I have a lot of dreams that I wanted to fulfill. Dreams that I want to turn into reality.

Back in the college,  I have a favorite poem entitled “Always have a Dream” written by Amanda Bradley. Well, even up to now, I still love the poem. Then, one of my friends, Rowency, gave me a copy of that dream as gift. She wrote a note at the end of the poem which says, “But don’t forget to turn your dreams into reality.” Sweet! Here’s the poem and I know you will like it,  too. :)

~ Always Have A Dream ~

Forget about the day when it’s been cloudy,
but don’t forget your hours in the sun.
Forget about the times you’ve been defeated,
but don’t forget the victories you’ve won.

Forget about mistakes that you can’t change now,
but don’t forget the lessons that you’ve learned.
Forget about misfortunes you encounter,
but don’t forget the times your luck has turned.

Forget about the days when you’ve been lonely,
but don’t forget the friendly smiles you’ve seen.
Forget about the plans that didn’t work out right,
but don’t forget to always have a dream.

~ Amanda Bradley ~

Isn’t it inspiring?!?  Going back to the survey I have answered, I paused a while and think the greatest dream I have yet to fulfill. Then, I realized that it is to get married in a church. How I wanted to get married in a church. I love looking at bridal magazines. Planning my entourage and etc. I even have own design of wedding gown!

When I was still with Speechpower, my OM saw that gown and told me not to plan about my wedding too soon. Because more often than not, the woman who plans “ahead” of her wedding, will never get married at all!

It could be true to me, due to some personal and family matters. But, I know that my dream of getting married in a church will soon come true.. :)

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