Few More Days..

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As we always do, ney and I always talk through chat. His contract will expire in few months and he will be home. He is very excited that he is already preparing for his homecoming. He showed me the things he bought, the clothes and the shoes he will be wearing when he comes back. I guess I might suggest him to get a humidor for his cigarettes as well. :)

Although his planned vacation is not sure yet because the company which he is working for is still awaiting for the new operators to arrive. In the last update he gave me, he said that the visa of those new operators  will be relaeased in July.

I have already applied for my vacation leaves when he arrives. Of course I am excited and it has been two years since we were together. I am not planning to get pregnant yet and I pray that God will hear it. Well, He knows why. :)

I miss honey and I cannot wait spending time with him again. See  you again soon, ‘ney. I love you.

Ciao! :)

Maybe, I am NOT really designed to get Married..yet

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When, I was younger, I was so idealistic about wedding. I have the design of my wedding gown, the flowers, the music and all. I just love collecting pictures and stuff for my “wedding” to be. I remember, Ma’am Do (from Speechpower) told me once, that I shouldn’t be so excited and planning so much about my wedding. Often times, the planned “wedding” doesn’t happen. Or, the woman doesn’t get married at all.

I was only 18 when she told me about it. I was so in love then and so naïve about love and weddings. The irony there, is that I am now 30, yet, I am not married still. I believe that God has purposes and reasons and plans why I am not married still. Maybe because, the man I would like to marry is not ready to be married yet. :(

Well, I guess there would really be no diamond rings on my finger anytime soon. :(

God for me is not just my God. He is my saviour, my provider, my king, my protector, my teacher, my healer, my guardian, my architect, my engineer, my carpenter, my papa jack, etc etc. But most of all, God is my friend. When I go to mass, I talk to Him as my friend. I laugh with Him in the silence of my heart. I cry before Him. And He knows, what I am going through, what I am feeling even  before I tell Him. God is so wonderful.

I knew in my heart that whatever problems ney and I have right now, everything will be in their places in God’s wonderful time. I believe that He wanted me to be prepared, to really prepare when the time comes that I will get married. I know that it will. :)

Ciao! :)

God keeps the love grow

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I was 18 years old when I went through a terrible heartache. My first love and my first boyfriend got his ex-girlfriend pregnant. It was a pain which other may call, “tagos to the bones”. I remember having dinner with my family, when I would suddenly cry because of the pain. As part of healing, I prayed the holy rosary as often as I can. I hear mass every Friday and light a candle at the grotto for emotinal healing. I prayed and prayed harder.
When I was studying for an upcoming exams, I decided to open my Bible and see what the Lord is going to tell me. I just opened the Bible randomly and to my surprised, it opened in 1 Corinthians. I believe that God has really spoken to me then. The exact verse where my fingers landed on was; 1 Corinthian 13:4-13. Here’s what is says:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I hold this verse into my heart. I cried and cried after reading the passage. I knew that God is there with me especially during those painful days. I continued to pray and hear mass and light a canlde for my personal healing. But, I asked God through Mama Mary, that if ever ney and I would be together again, then send me a red rose.

On the same year, I was invited to participate in PREX, or Parish Renewal Experience. My relationship with the Lord is deepened through this seminar. I know that God loves me and all, but I learned to put everything under His charge. It was really an experience. :) On the last day of the seminar, we received letters and flowers from family and friends. I share the table with my godsister, Katrina and I saw our common friend Pete holding two roses. I knew already that one will be given to me. I just don’t which will be given to me. As he approached our table, my heart was already beating so fast that I could hardly breath. Then, he gave me the red rose. It was a happy moment. Though I didn’t realize yet the greater pain that I need to go through.
My friend Pinky, told me once, that when it is right, things and situations are simple, but when it is wrong, then things are complicated. True enough. Ney and I were in each others arms again after five years. But things, were not as simple as they were. We have gone through so much to fight for this relationship. I have fought for him and for love. But maybe, those are not enough, if God is not with you in the fight.
We have different beliefs when it comes to faith. Often times we argue about faith. He criticize my faith as Catholic. He criticize the priests, the practices and all that goes with my faith. And, I am hurt. Sometimes, just to prevent the argument which will lead into a fight, I just keep quiet yet in my silence, I pray to God that He will send the Holy Spirit and enlighten his mind. I pray to Mama Mary and I pray to Jesus. I pray everyday for his conversion. And up until today, I continue praying for him. Especially for his safety.

It has been 12 years since, I read that passage from the Bible. It says that the three remains, faith, hope and love. And the strongest of them all is Love. But, love without God is useless. Love without God will never flourish, it will never grow.

Inspite of all that we have gone through, I still got a priceless gift. I have my daughter whom I know will be a better and wiser woman than her mother. Right now, I only pray to God for Tata’s happiness and good welfare. I cannot just throw all the good times we had and besides, he will always be the father of my daughter.

God bless us both!

Ciao! :)

Gift Idea

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Since my computer is not working at home, I need to spend sometime in the office to chat with ney (ooohhh, utilizing office resources..:P). I like it when ney and I chat about our the things that happened to us recently. I like it when we do not fight. :) We had a good chat today and it’s a good thing that it didn’t end up with a fight. I guess, reading The Notebook really helped me a lot. Ney told me that he is kinda homesick right now. He has a 2-year contract abroad and it will end in May next year. I told him that it will just couple of months to go and he will be home.

He will be celebrating his birthday this August as well, and I find Mens Jewelry & Watch Boxes as gift ideas for him. :)

Well, I already has one on mind but I am yet to buy it still. Anyway, it will still be 9 months until I can give him my gift.

Ciao! :)

True Love is Selfless Love

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In our lifetime we may give and receive different kinds of love. There’s friendship love, platonic love, paternal love, maternal love, sisterly love, brotherly love, unrequited love and many other forms of love. One may also say that once in our lifetime we have found a love called, true love.

How do we define true love? How can one say that the love he is feeling is true love? How can you be sure that the love you found is true love?

Sometimes we’ll say that when you found true love it would mean a lot of sacrifices. Yet, amidst all the sacrifices we did, if we didn’t get the kind of love we expect to receive, then we get hurt. Well, it is normal for us people that if we fall in love, we tend to expect love in return.

When we speak of true love, we speak of a selfless love. I remember a song written for the the celebration of the Year of the Son, Jesus Christ, about few years ago. The song was entitled, Only Selfless Love.

It is true that the love Jesus has given and giving the world is a selfless love. His love couldn’t be compared to any forms of love we have felt or we are feeling.

Yet, I believe that we can still find true love in spite of us being human. When we fall inlove with someone and we learned to accept the love he can give or wouldn’t give, and add up ample amount of prayers, then you will just find yourself hoping and praying for his or her success and being happy when he is. I mean truly happy. :) The said person may not know all your good wishes for him or for her; he or she may not even recognize you, yet inspite of these all, you continue to value that person in your heart. And, by simply loving the said person, makes you happy. :)

Wether that person loves you back or not, it wouldn’t matter anymore. You may continue to love and be truly happy when he is, yet there wouldn’t be any pain of rejection or not being loved. :)

If that happens, then you can say to yourself that you really have found true love. :)

Ciao! :)  

Another Book to Lend

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I received a text message from Vic that he already finished reading the book I lent him. It was a novel written by Mitch Albom, Five People You Meet in Heaven. :) I was glad to hear the he loved that book as much as I do. :)

I hope he’s finished getting all his things frm his old apartment. He’s moving to another apartment in Pasig City. I don’t remember how long he has been going back and forth to Cubao to Pasig to get his things. I remember telling him to hire a pick up track or some kind of a trailer hitches for a one time “hakot”, but I guess he misses his old apartment that’s why he wants to keep going back there. Hehehe! :)

In his FB status, he quote a line from the said book; “People say they “find” love, as if it were an object hidden by a rock. But love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman. What people find then is a certain love, a grateful love, a deep but quiet love, one that he knew, above all else was irreplaceable.”

I can say that I found that love already. I am 30 now and I can identify whether I feel love or just infatuation. Like what Mitch Albom written in the novel, love takes many forms. I cannot tell yet whether that love is a romantic love, platonic love, paternal love, friendship love, brotherly love or what have you. All I know is that I care and I love the person so much that I always pray for the safety and good luck. I may get hurt because of that love but I allow it happen. I am not a masochist but I just want to myself to realize the person’s worth in my life. The person may never know about it. But I know that the love I have is something that I would keep and treasure for the rest of my life.

I will lend Vic another Mitch Albom novel, For One More Day. I hope he would find it as a wonderful novel, too! :)

Ciao! :)

Love Makes No Promises

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I was listening to my sister Patty’s play list and one of the songs in the said play list is Love Makes No Promises. I have loved this song and been singing it since I don’t remember when. I first heard this song when I was in elementary if I am not mistaken. Well, it could be. The song was a ballad from a Canadian group, Candi in 1988. I didn’t know the title of the song then. I just heard it over the radio and it really made a “mark” on my mind. :)

I remember my mother using it as a “wake up” song for me. Hehehe! I used to sleep very very long then. I love to read ever since I was young and that made me sleep very late at night. That’s why; I woke up late in the morning, too. Hehehe! Whenever the said song is played on the radio, my mother would adjust the volume for me to hear it from my room. My mother was always successful in doing that. Since I love the song, I cannot bear to miss it. When I hear it, I would come running outside the bedroom. And I am awakened. :)

It was only when I gained access to the Internet and used its search engines to help me find the song. Since then, I started singing this and every time that I do, it really pricks my heart.

Love makes no promises.

I believe that many of us have fallen in love more than once already. Sometimes, when we are so much in love (or just as we thought), we tend to believe in all the promises love would bring. If we end up hurting and crying because of that love, we tend to curse love. And tell ourselves that we’ll never fall in love again.

Love makes no promises, there’s nothing I can do I am letting go of you..

Does really love makes no promises? In the bible, it says that;

Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.

We may sometimes find love to give no promises but we should never lose faith in love. No matter how many times we fall, get hurt, bruised and cry because of love, we should always keeps our hopes high, for in the end, these three remains… faith, hope and love. And the greatest of them is LOVE! :)

Ciao! :)

It might just be a Paternal Love

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Well, that’s what I keep telling myself for a day now. I keep on telling my heart and mind that it wasn’t a romantic love that I felt. There wasn’t and there isn’t any at all. Maybe it was just plain paternal love and friendship love that I found. I don’t know.. :( But maybe it is.. And I guess that it should be the kind of thinking I should have. It should be the kind of feeling I should feel. :(

It has been quite a while since I see him and been with him. When we met again, the feeling I had for him seems to rekindle again. When he held my hand, I felt the electricity I once felt. My heart started beating fast.

Well, maybe he’s really like that. Maybe he really treats his subordinates like that. I always tell myself that I am nothing special and that he treats me the same way and the same level he treats others. Maybe he treats me as a daughter.

One time he told me that I shouldn’t be jealous for he does love me. He loves me very much. Well, I believe him though. But I guess it isn’t the kind of love I am hoping. :(

When he held me in his arms, I really felt the love and a deep concern he has for me. It is a genuine love. It is a true concern. He’s really a family man. He really cares for a family. And, I really admire and look up to him. He may be the kind of father I must have looking for. A father whose concern is real.

Sometimes, I asked myself why I always tend to fall to a wrong person. A wrong person not because he is a bad one, but because he is already committed to someone else. :( It’s a good thing that my angels and my prayers are still strong enough; strong enough to prevent me from doing things that I would definitely regret.

I am only hoping for the best right now. Besides, I have a daughter and a first love whom I should be entrusting my love as long as I live.

God bless my heart..

Ciao! :)

Unrequited Love

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People used to tell that falling in love is one of the greatest feelings one could ever feel. Yet, it is also one of the reasons that gives us to much emotional pain. And, if we wouldn’t be able to handle ourselves when we go through this pain, we might end up losing our sanity or worst, our life.

I had experienced a terrible heartache when I was 18. It was when ney and I had to separate for some personal issues. It was really painful. There is a saying in Filipino that describes a terrible pain as “tagos sa buto.” To be honest, it was the worst heartache I had in my life. :(

Many of us may have gone through the same pain or even worst than I have as far a love is concerned. But, blessed are those who are not afraid to love and love again in spite of all the pain it may inflict us.

There is another kind of love that I learned when I was in high school. I believe that once in your life, you had experienced a love called unrequited or one way street love. Why do we get hurt when we fall in love? Isn’t it that when we love someone, we shouldn’t be expecting anything in return? That we should give love for free? It is easier said than done. Very true.

When we fall in love, we tend to expect love from the other in return. And if that person, failed the return the kind of love we give, we got hurt. We are hurt so much that we tend to do revenge against the said person or to the one he love. Well, if you do that then you didn’t really love that person after all.

A one way street love happens all the times. It happens to almost each one of us. I admit that I was a victim of an unrequited love, too.

What we need to realize is that when we fall in love, we shouldn’t be expecting the person to love us back. When we love someone, but didn’t get the same kind of love back, we shouldn’t be upset. Instead, we should be happy that we fell in love. :)

I believe that God has created someone special for each of us. We just have to be patient and faithful while we wait for that someone, who’s hands will be clasped in our own for life. :)

As you wait, enjoy one of those romeo y julieta cigars. Who knows, your Juliet or your Romeo is just a step away. :)

Enjoy love! It’s God gift to us to be shared.

Ciao! :)

Mama’s Grand Vacation

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My sister, Patty and I met our mother at SM Megamall last Monday from her week-long vacation in Antique. My cousin sent me a text message about their arrival time and when we expect mama to get off the bus from Baclaran.

I can tell that my mother enjoyed her vacation. She said that one week is not enough to compensate for the 39 years that she has not gone back to her hometown. When they arrived in Ilo-Ilo airport last Monday, they were met by her mother and sisters. She said that they all cried upon seeing each other after so many years, but it was tears of joy. :)

She said that their Kuya Fred was very happy to see them all. She met her nephews and nieces and their children for the first time. What so funny is that, when you ask her about their names, she doesn’t remember anymore. Hehehe!

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Mama enjoying the sugar like sand of Boracay

She told us that all their relatives are happy to see them. Every day, they eat lunch and dinner from different houses. It was like “fiesta” everyday. :)

One of the things that she enjoyed the most was her visit to Boracay. My sister Patty envied our mother because of this. She described the white sand of Bora like fine white sugar. She said that she really enjoyed the clear water and just simply walking to the shore. :) She was with my Tita Edna and her family, Tita Ellen and Tita Alice. She said that she and her sisters were able to bond and catch up with each other. She told us that my Tita Alice and Tita Nida were only grade school students when she left Antique for Manila. :)

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Elseario Family

When it’s time to go back to their own families, they cried again for they wouldn’t know when they will be seeing each other again. But the memories created in that vacation will always be treasured and remembered. Everyone is hoping that it wouldn’t be the last. We are hoping that the next time a family reunion will be held, and then my sisters, Nonet and I would be able to come along too with our mother. :)

Ciao! :)

A Special Gift for Special Person

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Most people would think that if you are to give a special person a gift, then it must be expensive. Many people would think that the more expensive a gift would be, the more special the receiver would feel. Well, for me, a special gift that one can give to a special person is a specialized one. I have always wanted to give a gift that I have created or made off. For I know that it would be more appreciated by the person I would intend to give it to.

Ney would be be on his first year abroad on May 25. Just one more year and soon he will be home. Since he’s not here when we celebrated our anniversary, his birthday and Christmas, I thought of giving personalized gifts for him. :) I am planning to have one of our family pictures scanned and create a cross stitch patter out of it. :)

Well, I have still an unfinished cross stitch project that I ought to finish. But, it can wait though. And, I still have a year to finish my new planned project. :)

I believe that gifts we give do not need to be an expensive one. What is important is that we give gifts to make that person feel special and valued. It may sound a cliche but it is indeed, that it is “the thought that counts”!

Ciao! :)

So far, So good

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We had a terrible fight on new year’s eve. That fight might have been the end of a 6-year relationship. I would still feel bad if ney and I would separate for good. I still love and care for him. Besides, he’s still the father of my daughter.

I am glad that somehow, we were able to patch things up. I do not want to give him any heartaches or headaches as much as I can, especially now that he is away on a foreign land. I wanted him to enjoy his work and enjoy the fruits of his hard works. I bet he’s enjoying Cityville while smoking Cohiba! :)

Only God knows what would happen next. I am just hoping and praying for the best. God bless us!

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Ciao! :)

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