A Girl’s Notebook :)

Last week has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. There had been happy and sad days. In my fb status line; I said that “Behind the cheerful smiles is a lonely heart.” Well, asking the current status of my heart I still feel sad and missing honey so much. I have cried 3 days because of the pain I felt when he left to work over seas. :(

Last May 25, Nonet and I bid farewell to ney who has a 2-year contract abroad. My daughter saw me cry and tried to ease my feeling by telling me that daddy .

I must admit that ney and I had a lot of misunderstandings. We are not a perfect couple and you bet we often argue even if we don’t live together. But I guess, it is true that you would only realize how important a person is, on his absence.

I wrote him a letter before he left. I told him to read the letter on the plane and when he misses us. I entitled the letter I made for him, Our Love Story. In my letter, I stated my own “point of view” about how our relationship started; the obstacles that our love went through and thewill work so he can buy her many toys. That when she would turn 7 years old, her daddy will come back again promise that I would wait and be faithful to him during the time that he is away. One of this days, I will share that love story with you.

I told him that while he is away I will keep myself busy by doing productive and meaningful things. I needed to wait few days after he left to ensure that I wasn’t pregnant before I start my diet. Hehehe! Although ney doesn’t mind my weight, I would still wanted to look good and feel good especially during these days. I know that if I lose just a little weight then that would add my to the confidence I have. A little help from elliptical machines will do the trick.

It may sound expensive but we made sure that we talk over the phone atleast once a day. He had set his number to roaming so I can send him text messages as often as I can. I told him about my diet plan and he said that it was a good idea. He also said that I continue working on my cross-stitch which I started when I was in 2nd year college. Hahaha!!! That was about 10 years ago!

Well, I pray and I hope that ney will be safe there. I always pray to God that He would keep ney away from all harm and temptation. He is many miles away and the only thing I can do for him is to keep the love we have for each other and to pray so hard for him and for us.

Ciao!

I woke up this afternoon because of numerous phone calls I received from ney. He is at a District LTO office in Quezon to request for LTO Certification for Red Ribbon in DFA. He will be working abroad as a heavy equipment operator. He applied for a passport last year (around August 2009 if I am not mistaken) because he really wanted to work abroad. His father and elder brother were both “ex-abroads” as he often calls them. He would want to work abroad, to prove that he can also be like his father and brother. They have their own construction company. But unlike other people who would want to work abroad for financial reasons, he just wanted a stamp on his passport and be an “ex-abroad” as well.

I have not done any red ribbon processing yet, that’s why I am not familiar with the process. I went online to check for the steps and told ney about it. His agency has been calling him already to get an update, because it is the only document that he needs to submit then he will leave. His visa arrived already, and as soon as he submits the LTO authenticated form, then he will leave. His tentative flight is next week.

Ney and I have been together for almost 6 years now. He is my first love and first boyfriend. We were separated in 1999 for some personal reasons and back on each other arms in 2004. We had gone through a lot of ups and downs. This may sound a cliche but our relationship has been a roller coaster ride. We do not live together because of work. We only see each other once or twice a month. This is the first time that he will go out of the country and we will not be seeing each other for 2 years. Oh, I will truly miss him. We have a lot of misunderstandings but when I think about him leaving and going abroad, I really tend to cry. My heart really aches. I wonder where I can get a protective clothing that I can have him bring.

I told ney to trust me and we will always keep in touch. I told him that I will write him letters. Send him text messages as often as I can. I told him to be careful always and be friendly. I talked to the agency staff and I was informed that he will be with Filipino colleagues. I hope and pray that he will be okay. I believe that God will take care of him.

Oh, I can feel the pain in my heart. But, I know that I need to be strong for him and for our relationship. Oh oh, I am crying…

Some lessons are best learned through pain. Sometimes our visions become clear only after our eyes are washed with tears. Sometimes we have to be broken, so we can be whole again. If God meant the day to be perfect, He wouldn’t have invented tomorrow.. whatever your heart feels, trust God for it.

I am going through a hard time right now. I am not sure whether I should wallow or just keep the shield I am trying to use to protect myself from being hurt. I don’t want to go through the same pain again. But if I should, I know that I will be able to get through it. I’ve been there before, and with God by my side I know that there’s nothing I should be afraid off..

This is cute and inspiring! Read on..

Marriage

There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They kept no secrets from each other except that the old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she cautioned
her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the
little old man took down the shoebox and took it to his wife’s bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married, she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily.”

The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He
almost burst with happiness. “Honey,” he said “that explains the doilies, but what about
all of this money? Where did it come from?” “Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling the doilies. 

Nice… What do I do when I get mad with honey? Well, I just sing and read books!

Ciao! :) 

I attended the wedding of my old friend Dwight last Sunday (December 20). Since I am with kuya Ritchie, who accompanied me in singing At the Beginning, we decided not to attend the wedding ceremony at the church and headed our way to the reception. The reception was held at the Grand Terrace, along Commonwealth Avenue. We took a cab from Rosario to Commonwealth. It was a Sunday so there was no traffic.

We arrived at the reception hall just in time to rehearse and to test our cd. I really prayed hard that the CD would be read by the reception’s music system. I am glad that it did!

The program started at around 5:30PM. We shared our table with my college friends, Farrah, Mynheer and Bryan. It was a happy feeling to meet my old friends. We chat a while and then came the couple of the day. I was happy seeing my friend, Dwight, settling down and happy.

Kuya and I were able to enjoy the food they have served for the guest. After drinking a glass of water, the host gave the cue for our number. Thank God, I was able to sing well. It has been a while since I sing in a wedding. This was my gift to the newly wed.

I wasn’t able to stay in the reception long, because kuya has other plans to do. I just sent Dwight a text message that I need to leave early.

My best friend Daisy, asked me once if I volunteered then to sing in his wedding. I remember when we were still in college (it was 7 years ago), I used to sing while we were hanging out. Then, Dwight told me then that when he gets married, he would want me to sing there. I said yes and told him that it would be for free. I never thought that he took it seriously. He first informed me about this wedding since January of this year. He also told me that he’s been looking for me in Friendster (Friendster was still the hip then) and was very happy when we’re able to get in touch with each other.

Well, I pray that Dwight and Ria will have a successful marriage and many children. Congratulations and Best Wishes!

Ciao!

While waiting for my officemate/friend Judy, I decided to check my blog and update it somehow. I received a pretty nice comment from my post That’s why we have Commitment. It’s so nice that I cannot help myself but share it to you. Thank you Jhun for this wonderful comment. I just wanted to clear though, that I am not married yet but I am working on it!

although you’re technically single, you’re still bound by the union with your half, i mean your husband. you’re created as one by the Lord through the sacraments of marriage… “ang pinagsama ng Diyos ay huwag papaghiwalayin ng tao”. Although i don’t know much about your situation, i find you loyal and God- fearing. and the fact that temptations came along the way, you still did not entertained the thought of it. you’ve just turn away and that was the right thing to do because complications would lead to another heartaches and frustrations. and everything will crumble and you will find yourself alone again.

just be brave and have a lot of faith with our God. He can turn things positively through prayers and faith. you just have to do your share..

Have a good days ahead of you….

Ciao!

While downloading the needed files for my self-assessment, I posted a status update on my facebook. I never thought I would have a facebook account. ? I needed to create one for I am looking for a long lost friend whom I cannot find through Friendster. ?

These past few days, I kinda observe different people and the situation they are in. I ponder on the idea of Commitment. Somehow, I consider being “technically single” a good thing. At least, I still have an option to get out of a “mess”.

Everyday, whether at work or somewhere, people find themselves attracted to someone and would dwell on the idea, “Bakit ngayon ka lang dumating sa buhay ko? Kung kailan hindi ka na pwede. Kung kailan hindi na’ko pwede?”. I know that many people, if not going through, have gone through this situation. ?

That could be reason why we have the word Commitment. I remember my priest friend asked me once, what do I think is the most difficult vow of a priest to follow; vow of poverty, vow of chastity or vow of obedience. I stopped and thought of those vows for a while. Then I told him, I believe it would be the vow of obedience. Because if you will be able to keep that vow, then everything follows.

The same goes for married couple. When they pledge their love (either in the church or through civil marriage), I believe that the most difficult to keep is the vow of Commitment.

Mr. Webster defines “Commitment” as something one is bound to do or forebear. Just like an obligation for someone to fulfill. Maybe that’s the reason why the song “Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang” was written.

There is the word commitment to protect family and the children in that family. There could be a number of exceptions to this word. But generally speaking, we have the word commitment so that we would be obliged to be faithful and honest to our partners and to children; to our work; to our company; and most of all to ourselves.

I know how hard it would be to keep the vow of commitment. I believe that if you feel something that would lead you into the “wrong way”, try to ignore the thought. It would make your heart bleeds, though, but that would save you from bigger problems. And, never forget to pray. God will always be there to keep us strong. I know that we are only human. We are weak and bound to temptation, but we have God to protect us.

I assure you prayers never fail in any condition or situation you may be.

Ciao! )

Secrets of a Successful Marriage
(Chris Gallatin)

• Having a wonderful partner
• Communicating
• Being intimately involved in one another’s life. (Open, honest, touching together. The closer you are, the more secure you will feel.)
• Being happy as individuals. (And bringing good things to the relationship from both directions.)
• Reaching out for dreams together.
• Always being there for one another. (Always)
• Overlooking the few flaws. (But cherishing the thousands of things that are so wonderful.)
• Remembering that rainbow follow rain
• Always sharing (Friends, families, dreams, desires. Weaving together the fabric of your lives.)
• And always caring. (Always loving one another, and being as happy and as giving and as thankful as any two people could be.)

Hope these “secrets” will be spread out to many couples for a successful marriage life!

Ciao!

One of my dear friends will be getting married this December. I was happy to learn that he has not forgotten what I told them when we were in college. God has blessed with a singing voice. I remember, during our one of our breaks in college, I was practicing a song that I will sing in a competition; Dwight said that I have the talent. In response to that, I told them that when they get married, I will sing for them, for free!

I was really happy when I received a message from him early this year. He said that he’s getting married and he wanted me to sing in his wedding. I received that message in January and the wedding is on this coming December.

I sent a message for him about 3 days ago to confirm whether or not I will still sing for them and he said yes. He said that wedding invitations will be given out few weeks before the wedding.

The wedding will fall on a Sunday (December 20), which is good. I don’t need to plot a vacation leave for that day. He requested me to sing a couple songs. He requested for At the Beginning, If I Never Knew You and there is one more which I forgot the title. Those 3 songs are all duets! Hopefully, one of our classmates, Ron, will be able to come home just in time for the wedding. I believe he’s working overseas.

Anyway, I know that it would not only be a wedding but a reunion of good friends.

I am really excited about it and I know that I should start practicing the songs because I want to sing well for a dear friend’s special day!

Ciao!

I know I owe you many stories since I have not been updating my journal lately. Please forgive me I am still adjusting myself into the “night shift” schedule for work. Well, it has been 3 weeks already since I have been in the gy shift but I am still not used to it. I do not even have a “life” when I am in gy because I am sleeping the whole day when I have a work. Anyway, I know that I will get used to it soon.

I told you last week that I would be going to Quezon to spend sometime with ney and to celebrate his birthday. Though, I was very sleepy before I set off, I made sure that everything I need to attend to while I am away would be taken cared off.

I told my daughter that I would be visiting her father but she cannot go with me. I told her that I would buy her something when I get home. Well, she was disappointed because she would really love to go. She loves her father so much and she misses him. I told her that I would bring her along next time.

I left the house at around 2PM last Saturday. It was a good thing, that there is a bus stop for provincial buses already in EDSA across Robinson’s Galleria. Before those provincial buses need to take the fly over in there, so commuters going to the province, need to go directly to the bus terminals.

It took about 30minutes before I was able to go onboard the JAM Liner going to Lucena. It would take about 4 hours to get there. After I paid my fare, I sent ney a text message that I am on the bus already and I am on my way. Since I came from a gy shift and did not have any sleep yet, I slept during the ride. I got awaken occasionally when the bus needs to stop to load and unload passengers.

When the bus entered the premises of Lucena City, I sent ney a text message again and told him that I am in Lucena already. We decided to meet each other at SM Lucena. I was there at 7:30PM. Of course, ney was wearing a red shirt! It’s his birthday remember?!

I greeted ney and handed him my birthday present. It was a book, well, some sort of English to Portuguese dictionary and phrases. Remember I told you before that he would be leaving soon for work abroad. The language that Angolans in West Africa uses is Portuguese. I believe that, people in Madagascar speak the same language.

Well, ney and I really had a good time. My adventure in Lucena continues in my next posts!

Ciao!

Today is honey’s birthday. He is 32 already! Oh, he is really getting old.  Part of the my plan to have a productive restday is to spend a day or two with honey. I will be going to Lucena later this afternoon and we’ll meet there. We will just stay in one of the resorts or inns in Lucena.

Actually, he wanted to spend his birthday here with me and Nonet,  but due to work call, he cannot. So, I will be the one to go to his place instead. Well, for me it’s a good idea that I will be the one to go to Lucena because I also want to free myself for a while, from Manila’s busy and fast pace life. I wanted to breath some fresh air and hopefully, ney and I will be able to do our bonding moments like we used to.

Hopefully, we’ll find time to go swimming at Graceland Resort in Tayabas, Quezon. His family is a member in there and has the priviledge to use their very fine facilities. I’d been there twice already. You bet, the pools could have very good spa filters because it is really clean! You wouldn’t even notice nor smell the chlorine.

Well, I should be preparing now. I’ll tell my Lucena adventure when I get back.

Ciao!

Before L2S MIS team delete my email login to their server, I was able to get some to the important emails I have saved for the last six years. As I scan through the emails I found this very inspiring email which I received from my colleagues then about 3 years ago.

***

Reason to Love 

My husband is an Engineer by profession; I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

“Why?” he asked, shocked.

“I am tired; there are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:” What can I do to change your mind?”

Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered:

“Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face
of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?”

He said: ” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes…. My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further…”

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. “When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save m! y eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month; I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die… “

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk… I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone… That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model; it could be the dullest and boring form…. flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life…

Love, not words win arguments..

***

Hope we all learn from this email because I did.
Ciao!