The first topic that was discussed is about Struggles in Marriage. I am not married yet but the things I learned from it are good enough for me to have a happy married life and to the strength to overcome the struggles that I and my husband will encounter.
The speaker of the topic was Diday. I didn’t get the chance to note her last name. I don’t remember if the host mentioned it either. Well, I learned that a lot of marital problems are caused by communication problems, incompatible with spouse, emotional and physical abuse, etc. Why? Maybe, because of their ignorance to God’s design for marriage. Or maybe, because they have not consulted or read the manual for marriage, the Bible.
Why do couples get married in the first place? Is it because she is pregnant? (This is a common reason today) Is it because, he or she completes you? Is it because, you found your happiness in him/her? If your answer to these questions is yes, then your marriage will likely to fail.
How come? The only source of true happiness is God. Only God will complete us. When couples get married they have to undergo struggles in their marriage. It is designed by God for He wanted them to be closer to Him.
In her talk, Diday presented the most common reasons why marriages are in trouble today.
1) UNMET EXPECTATIONS
We often find ourselves disappointed when we get into relationships or into marital relationship. We have so many expectations that when not meet, we get sad and lonely. When a woman marries her husband, she often has these expectations from her husband:
a) My husband is supposed to make me happy
b) My husband is supposed to serve me
c) My husband is supposed to fulfill my longings. He should “complete me.”
d) My husband should be willing to change if he loves me.
No matter what we do, our husband will never change unless God changes him. Why not concentrate on his positive attitudes. Let us put all our expectations to desires and bring them to God.
Even in our everyday life, whatever our civil status is, we have so many expectations which often disappoint us if not met. Let’s turn these expectations to desires and surrender them all to God. This way, we will never be disappointed again.
As what Psalm 37:4 promised:
“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
2) IGNORANCE OF GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE
I am not married yet but I am happy to know what’s God’s design fro marriage. God’s design for marriage can be found in these Bible verses.
a) Genesis 2:18 “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Hmmm, did I read that verse correctly? Helper? A wife is a helper? Today, we call our “kasambahay” or our servants as helper. Does that mean that a wife is simply a helper?
Well, Diday was able to clear that pretty well. God created a helper for a man. If you look closely at the original meaning from the phrase “ezer kenegdo” – woman was to be the man’s companion, someone who could complement him. The word ezer is used only twenty times in the entire Old Testament. In every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need Him to come through for you desperately. This means that the woman’s role is to stand by her husband and to come through for him when he needs her.
b) Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
If we look deeper into that verse, there are actually 3 commands.
First, man shall Leave his father and mother
God commands that we are to leave our parents to start a permanent relationship with our husband and to start a family of our own. It does not mean that we cut our ties with our families, but it means that our ties with our parents will have to be changed so that we can give our full commitment to our spouses. Married couples are not to run home to parents when there are conflicts and problems. Instead they must try to settle their problems on their own.
Second, the husband and wife should cleave
To cleave to one’s spouse means that we are to be glued to one another. We are to be like pieces of wood that are glued together. God desires that the couple act as one and have unity of purpose. This means sticking to our husband mo matter what.
That statement is kinda hard. What if your husband is almost killing you to death? Lift him up to God. Surrender him to God, and He will do the rest. I know and I understand that a lot of you may contest about it, for it is true that it is easier said than done.
Third, God designed couples become one – not only physically, but in mind and spirit
The command to be united means that marriage was meant by God to be monogamous. Obviously, one cannot be united to many. The command also means that the marriage is to be between a man and a woman as obviously God has designed the physical union to be heterosexual.
c) Ephesians 5:23 “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”
Whether we like it or not, God has chosen for the man to be the head of the family. Allowing our husbands to lead in everything gives them the opportunity to be what God had intended them to be.
d) Ephesians 5:25-25 “However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Our husbands will present us to God. They’re accountable to God on how we will be at the end. In return, we must respect our husbands inspite and despite of. It’s like an unconditional respect, for God designed them to be the leader of the family and needs to be respected. Even if you don’t feel love, still respect your husband.
3) MISUNDERSTANDING of GOD’S PURPOSE of MARRIAGE
Diday started the third common reason why marriages are in trouble with a passage from the book of Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage.
“If happiness is our primary goal, we’ll get divorce as soon as happiness seems to wane. If receiving love is our primary goal, we’ll dump our spouse as soon as they seem to be less attentive. But if we marry for the glory of God, to model His love and commitment to our children, and to reveal His witness to the world, divorce makes no sense.”
As I have mentioned in the first lines of article, if your answer to the questions I’ve asked is yes, then your marriage is on the brink. We need to stop asking marriage what it cannot give – perfect happiness, a life without conflict and an answer to all our dreams. Because whether we accept it or not, God had designed marriage for purposes higher that ourselves – so that we may be brought closer to Him and so our union may bring glory to Him.
Whatever struggles you are undergoing in your marriage is something that God can use to change you to become more like Him. As we relate to our husbands, as we love and respect him unconditionally, as we forgive him endlessly, as we care for him in humility and respect, God is producing is us the character that He has designed for us to have.
John 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
Many times God will bring you to a point where the only answer is faith in who God is and hope that in time all things work together for the good of those who love Him. Through the darkness, many times God is all we have.
Psalm 127:1 “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain”
We have the choice of asking God to take over our marriage and surrendering our life to Him. This invitation is always open to all of us.
Joel 2:12-13 Even now, declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.”
There are so many things we learned from Diday. And through her, God has spoken to us. Will you trust God? Will you put you hope in Him? The choice is actually yours today. 
Recent Comments